Dear Senator Vitter - My Modest Proposal

I just sent this to our prostitute-hiring, diaper-fetishing idiot of a senator:

Dear Senator Vitter,

I see that you have devoted time and effort to the pressing problem of the need to pass legislation ensuring that women receiving health care under the Indian Health Service can never get abortions there. You devoted time and effort to getting that passed even though the Hyde amendment has banned the use of ANY federal funds for abortions since the 1970s. Heckuva job, Davie, because what the voters in this devastated state really need is duplicate layers of legislation.

I understand though that you have a principled pro-life position. My suggestion is that, in that spirit, you should offer a Senate bill limiting contraceptive access for prostitutes and ensuring that the fathers of any children of prostitutes be genetically identified and then forced to pay child support. Politicians, who are, after all, the self-styled moral guardians of a nation, should submit samples of their DNA to a centralized database for these purposes, thus ensuring that any guilty parties may be identified and compelled to provide diapers for the duration.

Seriously, Senator, a man who rents women's vaginas and then legislates what they do with their wombs - what's with this obsession of yours? It's so obvious, and it's an embarrassment.