Access Denied

To whom it may concern:

I don't know if you still read this (and maybe you should, although it's not all about you as you probably think - typed with Carly Simon choruses of "You're So Vain" playing in my mind and remembering when we were teenagers and you actually broke the lock on my diary to find out what was in there about you and then, right now, thinking that I should have realized even then that you didn't understand how not to violate women's spaces and that it's all about you), but in case you do still read this...

It's true that I ache almost all the time, and you can keep trying with your bullshit manipulative massages, but the reason you are going to find that access is always denied is that you still can't enter where I am, even if you tried, and I don't think you really do try.

You've spent a lifetime colonizing women and now you actually wonder why once your exploitation is discovered, access to our womanspace is denied? Really?

"How much longer until I can be close to you again?" you had the nerve to ask me this morning, all little boy bewilderment, telling me about yesterday's behind-the-wheel hardon (from thinking about little old me - aw, geez, hold your breathe and wait for me to take that as a compliment; older and wiser now, I've learned most men just aren't that discriminating and their hardons are NOT to be taken as compliments) and bringing me roses and catching up my tuition so I can crawl out of the pit of depression you've dug and get back to my real calling in life (the tuition-paying is an act some feminist friends have pointed out is not deserving of my gratitude but is better viewed as a simple "asshole tax").

"How much longer?" Really? How about you listen to this dude for two and a half minutes and then ask yourself, "How much longer?"

How much longer? Take your time. My sisters and I - my spiritual ones plus the biological one you molested for years - we're waiting. Just fucking waiting. Just fucking, waiting.

P.S. Access is denied as long as my sister is in pain and maybe as long as my sisters are in pain. I have no idea how you can fix that, which is why it's wise to avoid breaking people to begin with. Not my problem. Figure it out. Access denied.

Wait, I'll leave you one more clue:
right here, with audio